Escapist-----I'm just a dreamer.

I need some sunrays , I hate over shadows , I need some harmony , I hate over burden , I need some colours , I hate blindness, I need some love , I hate being alone , I need some travel , I hate spoiled brats , I need some oxygen , I hate suffocating , I need some life , I hate hatred....

I am so firm and rigid about it, I am so sure about it , I want to make my life beautiful, I want to be same, what I was 7yrs back .. I want my life back , I deserve it to full.... I think that's Wat is destined, I am happy to accept it, It may take some time but I will be used then..... You don't deserve me and my son.... That's how we will live happily.

So is this page blank and neat, Just a wip and it will be full, Just a hope and there will be happiness, Just a promise and it will be alive, Just a word and it will be fullest, Just a smile and it will be lively, Just a hold and it will be new start, Just a hug and it will be complete......

My Allah ,don't me let feel lost ... I beg and beg u ... Give my life back.. My shoulders are not enough strong , I can't this burden , I have failed in my life, I want it back alone n all alone, I don't want to ponder any other thing in my life, Just me and my lonely life, Leave me alone and let me live...... My tears have shredded heavily , I have no more energy to cry and hide my tears, I have lives this life now for six years by now , I can't take it more... Allah plz understand I am not with a that person which I used to b, It seems he was some one else not he, Trust me god ! I want to find happiness ! Either with YOU or ALONE....... I beg u and beg you.

Do we really want to go around ,have those lillyies around , No and not ..... Y shall we not stop to flaunt , I can't live a suffocated life, Leave me, Or live with me for u n my sake..... I hate to live to show others.

A woman compromises all her dreams, Her carrier, Her wishes , Her happiness, Her smile, Her life , Her health Her all other relations , Her ego, Her attitude , Her life style, Her behaviour , Her body , After getting married,she is no more considered a person with life ,just a person who is living just for the name sake....

I don't want this day to forget, Where and when I came to know the reality , A devil I believe so, A person who makes fake relation , A selfish person, A person who gets into influence of others , A person who thinks Wat he do is correct, A person who wants me to leave all other relations, A person who can never talk polite, A person who is no more my husband but a father to my son....

After praying long, Still I am in delusion , Ya RAB help me..... A decision which z far good far better, Which can get that respect back, Which can get that love back...If we rejoin.

A decision to be taken, My hand are shaked, My lips have become mum , The reality behind it.. I have just started to hate you, A level of tolerance is quite above now, But still not all to decide, Conditions and things in my mind, Stops me from thinking, I want to decide sooner, So is the distance between you and me now, I don't see a light , Where this relation can be rejoined , Y am I compromising , Is it Coz we have son , I have family behind me. Make it a point ,not Atleast for u... Coz I have started to hate you..... If the distance grows more , More will I hate you.... I don't know y I am mum, Y I am not able to decide, I need to decide sooner, Allah help me ,I need the power to decide further, I can't stay like this... Allah plz help..... P.S:-A big misunderstanding between us.

The important thing when you get married is ? How good your husband is, Money ,status nothing matters, What matters the most is his way of talking,how polite he is ,how caring he is ,how trust worthy he is... More over he should have power to decide ... And should not be a mommy boy .... He should know how to respect you. Plz don't look for status and good job,look for good person .

So

How wise to say "One who trouble others,don't think Allah is just watching u,he is busy in making such plans for u as well"...

I need some strength, I need to be bold, Strong enough to stand, I need to be firm , Very hard ... I need some strength , I pray to Allah Make me strong to face all...

as never expected, Hate is growing more day by day, So here I decide, I want go apart..... And that's the final.... Leave me So will I leave you I need divorce ......

And I am waiting , When I know nothing went that bad, Is that what I think ? Why don't u turn up, This is the first time, When you took so long, Was it that bad? Whole day will be thinking about it, I bileive just a sip of beat, And I'll be no more, To listen or to say, I am waiting, Are you still going to act same, Or it's the time , I want you back, I want you back........ I am waiting.....

And I am completely broken , There is a flow of tears, No way ahead, A lie which beholded many truths Changed my life upside down Everything is so much changed So I am Astonished , I can't either face nor I want to see I am just holding my emotions inside me And I swear I am not bad It was just a time Where I was bounded to do so I need a way ,a hand ,a hug I miss you...

Some time below that hard feelings, You want that old time back, A moment which made you smile, A friend who just nodded his/her head for all what you say, A pamper , A feeling of true love, The independence, That joyful heart, Those powerful words, And those childhood friends , A narrow escape, Those outings, A feeling where u were treated as princes , Where you were never alone, Where you never repent of what you did, I don't know y those days are gone .... I need them badly.... P.S:-I miss my friend And I miss my family !!!! P.S.S:-I hate being far.